Equido Articles:

SHARING THE BOND…..?

It is often a very difficult decision for any owner to seek the advice and help of a trainer. No one wants to admit that they may be having problems with their horse, Many people simply become blinkered and just don’t see the issues the horse is raising with them until it all becomes too much and the bond of trust and respect is broken forever.

Fortunately most people will recognise a problem or feel there are areas where their relationship with their horse can be improved upon and in this instance they seek out a trainer for advice and help, possibly even sending their horse to them for schooling.

However, this will not always solve the problem for the owner and it may in fact create problems for the trainer. In order for a trainer to work effectively with a horse they must first establish a bond. A professional trainer can easily bond with a horse in a purely business like way, this is not the same bond that many owners have or wish they have with their horses, this is not an emotional link (yes a trainer must like the horse to establish a working relationship but this is not the same deep emotion felt by some owners). The trainers bond is one based purely on respect in order to build trust, unfortunately some owners cannot see this.

It is human nature to be emotional and sometimes this leads us to misinterpret or misunderstand what we see. There are some owners who understand fully that the purpose of the trainer’s bond is to help solve the problems or issues that the horse has been having and the owners themselves learn to work with their horses in accordance to the trainer’s guidance. This in fact will lead the owner to achieve a true working relationship with their horse and to find that a “real bond” with their animal develops, this will be totally different from the “believed bond” they had previous to the training. It takes courage and strength of character for any owner to watch their problem horse behave beautifully for a stranger and to seemingly care for the trainer more than their human “mummy or daddy”. It is not easy to stand by and watch this without their feelings being affected. There are many owners who are able to do this and as a result, because they have disengaged their emotions, they quickly resolve the issues they have been having and are able to move forwards with their horse and no longer need the assistance of the trainer. This is the perfect result for horse, owner and trainer.

Most people struggle with the point in training where the horse behaves or works better for the trainer and seems to dislike the owner. It is often at this point that the relationship between the trainer and the owner is tested to the absolute limits. It takes great skill for a trainer to be able to smooth out the ruffled feathers of an owner struggling to come to grips with the realisation that perhaps they the owner had been wrong and the problems lay with their training methods and not with the horse just being awkward. It is a difficult hurdle to overcome but many people manage to suppress their emotions long enough to realise that it is not a personal attack on their abilities as a human being, but as an opportunity to grow and develop new skills and grow into a better human being. These owners, like the open minded owners who accept what is presented to them in a non-emotional way, will then be able to move forwards with their horses and achieve their aims and goals, overcoming their original problems with ease and no longer needing the assistance of their trainer. This is more often than not the journey a trainer must take with their client and their client’s horses but it is just as rewarding to see the two of them push through the barriers that have held them back and become the great team they always wanted to be. This is a good result.

Unfortunately there are owners who are never able to overcome their feelings of resentment. When they see the horse working well for the trainer they are filled with feelings of jealousy and are thrown into an emotional turmoil. These feelings of anger and resentment they keep bottled up inside only serve to push their horse away from them weakening their already fragile bond. This makes it all the more frustrating for the owner as the horse blatantly wants to stay with the trainer, the owner may even feel the trainer is trying to “steal” their “baby”. They may get angry and try to “force” their horse to like them, this simply makes the situation worse. In this case the trainer is in a lose: lose scenario and may simply have to walk away from the situation as it will only get worse. The owner will not be able to see that it has been their fear of “losing their baby” that has pushed their horse away and will more often than not start blaming everyone and everything around them. It will never, ever be the owner’s fault, no, it may be the trainer, the yard, the other horses, the weather, the tack, the time of year …..etc. It will be everything except the real reason, themselves. The main cause of the problem is that this type of owner “humanises” their horse and turns them into their “baby”. It is natural to care for those that we love, but babying a horse as you would a child can lead to some problems in the future. The horse is a free spirited animal and should be respected as an equine.

This type of owner puts so much emotional baggage onto their horse that the animal is driven to extremes of behaviour in an attempt to relieve him or herself of the pressures put upon them. In this type of situation no trainer can win and this is the worst possible result as it will inevitably be the horse that suffers. Until the owner can admit their shortcomings they will always be blaming everything around them, including their horse.

From the trainers point of view the above extremes are often encountered, but what does it mean from the owners point of view, how should you know when to trust a trainer?
My advice for anyone is this simple. If you like how a trainer treats their own horses, how they look after them and how they train them then this may be the best person to ask advice from. If there is anything about their methods or their animal’s behaviour that does not make you comfortable then you must look elsewhere. Take the time to ask if you can visit the trainer’s yard, meet him or her and the other horse’s in the yard. Ask if you can watch a session with another horse before you commit to bringing your own horse to them. It is very important that you judge a trainer with your own eyes and your own intuition and do not rely entirely on what you may have heard about them on the “grapevine”. What suits one person may not suit another.

Ask if you can watch the training sessions with your own horse and try to be around as much as possible. Most trainers will not have any objections with this and most will actively encourage your participation in your horse’s rehabilitation. However, there may be points in the horse’s training that an over anxious or over emotional human watching may distract or upset the horse. In this case the trainer can ask if you sit or stand far enough away from the horse so that you do not affect them (they may even ask you to sit in the car for a while) you will still be allowed to watch, just not influence the horse. If you as an owner are watching someone work with your horse try very hard to switch off your feelings of anxiety. Imagine that this is not your horse, try to view the situation objectively. Obviously if the trainer is doing something you are really not comfortable with you have the moral obligation to raise this with them. A good trainer will calmly explain his or her reasons for their actions and give you the opportunity to voice your opinion. A good trainer will listen to the owner and understand how they are feeling and may adjust their methods accordingly, after all, this is not their horse. You will find though, if you take the time to research your trainer and choose one that suits you and your horse, there will not be any conflict of ideas and training methods. This is the best scenario for your horse, for you and for the trainer.

It is always difficult to be open and honest with ourselves when it comes to self criticism. Many of use are afraid to admit they have made a mistake or don’t know all of the answers as this may mean that they have failed. For some people failure is the worst thing in the universe and they put so much pressure on themselves not to fail that they inevitably end up living a lie and living in denial. This applies not only to their human/horse relationships but to their relationships with other people be it in work or social situations and it will eventually lead to the one thing they dread most, failure. (Remember though, it wont be their fault, the weather was wrong, the moon is in the wrong phase, everyone else on the planet is an idiot….etc). We may all know people like this and we can learn from them. We can learn not to be like them. “A fool will learn by his own mistakes, a wise man by the mistakes of others” keep this saying to the front of your mind, we can all be fools I’m afraid but try to turn things around by saying, “You know what, I haven’t failed, I have been given an opportunity to learn and adapt.” Take your emotions out of the equation, believe me it is not personal (though it may feel like it at the time), We as humans must learn to grow and adapt and in order to do this we must accept our weaknesses and failings and turn them to good use. This is where our horses can help us. They will be the first to let you know when you are on the right track and when you are heading in the wrong direction. Once more it is up to us to listen.